WE ARE THE STARRY EYED

"We are the starry eyed" is the theme for next years MOPS, mothers of preschoolers. At first, I was a little disappointed with the theme. We are the starry eyed? What does that even mean? I am a DGL, discussion group leader, for MOPS. I keep the flow and positive conversation going at my table and encourage my fellow mamas to be the amazing women they are. Every year, they make a cute little book that introduces all of the ladies on leadership. The basic questions of your name, husbands name, kids and age are asked and then each year one deeper question. This years question was, when is the last time you were so swept up with wonder that it took your breath away? Uh, hmmmm, I thought to myself, "JUST GREAT! What in the world do I write for this?" Mind you, over 100 women are going to be reading what my answer is so it better be good. I took a day to ponder and mull it over and here is what I decided upon. 

Simply, every day I am swept up with wonder that takes my breath away. We made these two tiny humans (and that in itself blows my mind) that have evolved from cooing, pooping blobs to walking, talking, bounding, leaping, adventuresome, curious, full of life little dudes! I marvel in awe with all that they teach me day in and day out. Their little minds are racing with new knowledge and simplicity. They shout with excitement when they see an airplane and can’t wait to sit/drive in the car cart at the grocery store. Geeze, do I despise that large obnoxious cart but it brings them so much joy! Daily, I am reminded to stop, slow down, and enjoy the basics of life. To gaze around and soak in, the life God has given me. May we never lose the inner child that dwells deep down inside each and every one of us. 

As I've dug deeper into we are the starry eyed, it's starting to grow on me. Wonder and excitement. Awe and dreams. We are the starry eyed.

So, when is the last time you were so swept up with wonder that it took your breath away?

until next time...

Welcome back...

...It was time to come back here to this place where my thoughts run free. Where there isn't judgement or belittlement. Where no one can tell me I'm right or wrong because no one is forcing you to read MY blog! These are MY thoughts and MY feelings and if you don't like them STOP READING! This is my space to throw out whatever I need to and darn well please. My space to rant, vent, and rave! 

My little family has grown since I last posted. I thought I was busy with just having ONE child. I was WRONG! Two little boys is a blast but very busy. Especially these ages, 1yr and 3 yrs! My life is full. Full of laughs, smiles, frustrations, parenting, loving, listening, praising, reprimanding, and learning. These little dudes teach me so much about life, themselves, and who I am! They teach me how to deal with my emotions as much as I'm trying to teach them about theirs! It's a full life and I wouldn't change it! 

Family...how do you define family?? I've come to realize my definition of family is far different from some of those that are in our family. My family vs. married into family is completely different too and I never thought that would be the case. Family to me is a group of individuals who support each other and are responsible for each other weather blood related or married in. And maybe I was naive to think that everyone gets along but in a family you forgive. You always forgive. These people are your family and they would do anything to support, praise, and make you better than who are ever thought you could be. They are honest and raw and you can always know they are saying things out of love and not hate. They would never purposefully hurt you or not accept you for who you are. THEY WOULD NEVER PURPOSEFULLY HURT YOU OR NOT ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE.... this is sadly not the case in our family right now. When you think about your future life and marrying someone you never think their family won't like you. You never think years later after marring the person they won't like you. You never think family could rip you to the core and say hatred about you. You never think family could be so nasty. You never think family could hate you for simply who you are. You never think family could stir the pot and cause unrelenting drama related to who you are as an individual. I never thought I would want to vanish from certain family. I grew up around family. Value family. Love and cherish my extended family. It is awesome and amazing to know we are all there lifting up each other. We ALWAYS have each others back even if there is someone having a tiff with someone else. We always know it is going to be just fine.... we LOVE immensely in my family. I can't help but smile with all my teeth showing when I think about my family. Marrying into a family.... I thought this would be awesome! I thought it would be like adding even more to my extended family. We'd be even stronger and closer and love even bigger. Instead I inherited a brother and sister in law who failed to get to know me because they judged me. Say I'm negative and materialistic and don't respect my husband. One of the most unjust and cruel things you could ever say to a wife who tries her hardest to show her husband unconditional love. How dare you! How dare you assume my husband isn't happy because our marriage is not like yours. How dare you assume my husband is miserable because you assume I don't LET (this is a partnership neither my husband or myself LET one another do anything. we don't own each other and therefore we do not LET one another do anything. We compromise and communicate and do whatever we darn well please. There is no LETTING) my husband do what he wants. Assume my husband needs to take time to find himself again because I've taken away who he is! Get off your high horse and get to know me better. Stop assuming you know how OUR marriage works and ask questions if you really need insight. Even though, you know it's none of your business. Can't you just be happy for your family? Can't you just get along with your family? Must you always administer drama? Can't you hear your brother when he says he IS happy? Or is it me that is making him say he is happy? He doesn't have his own vocabulary to stand up on his own? Well, get to know your brother too while you're at it! We change and grow and I am freaking proud of my husband for who he is. He has a huge heart. He gives and loves and forgives bigger than most I know. He's compassionate and sensitive. He's a people pleaser and wants everyone around him happy but that doesn't mean you can pry on him! It doesn't mean you can try to bully him! It doesn't mean you can put him in the middle like this! JUST BE HAPPY FOR HIM! I've never in my wildest dreams thought I wouldn't want parts of my family to be my family. You're suppose to forgive family no matter what... but how many times do you have to do that. What if they don't want to forgive and want to just straight up no like you. They can't even be adult enough to be nice to your face because that's being fake and they can't be fake. What grade are we in? What day and age are we in? What kind of person are you?!?  I hurt and I'm raw and I never thought I would want family to disappear so bad in my life. I never thought someone could hate me the way some family does. It's a deep pain that I've never felt or wanted so bad to go away. I wouldn't belittle, judge, or demean someone that isn't family let alone family the way you both have. True colors are shown and I don't really believe I've got any forgiving left... but I hope I'm wrong! 

until next time...

Six months

Dear Mr. B-

This month you decided to FINALLY roll over! It took a while. You would go 95% of the way over, grab your toy, and go back... little stinker! I was certain you would roll from belly to back but you tricked us. You think it is lots of fun to roll from back to belly. Once you are on your belly, you refuse to roll from belly to back. We all know how much babies like tummy time too. It made for an interesting couple of nights. That is until you figured out that sleeping on your tummy wasn't so bad!

You are far too big for your swing. The poor swing struggles to move with you in it but you still love that thing! It puts you to sleep most days. Since we used the stroller in Mexico, you will also take naps if we go on a walk. We don't dare take you out but rather roll you right into the entry way and leave you there! 

You are growing like crazy! 18 lbs 9 oz and 27 1/3 inches long! You are barely still in 6 months clothes and we will be jumping into 9 month clothes shortly! At your 6 month check up, you were a champ at shots again! The first shot you didn't notice and the second one you let out a yell. Then I picked you up and you smiled at the nurse! Not sure what is wrong with you kid! You had your second cold this month and the Dr. said it was bronciolitis. You were wheezing, coughing, and all stuffed up. I felt so bad but it didn't seem to bug you much.

Thank you for being such a chill little dude! You are go with the flow and can nap anywhere! We try to stick to some sort of schedule but it is okay if we don't go by  it EVERY day. Thank you for smiling when you wake up and only crying if you are tired or hungry! 

We love you lots, MAMA and DADA

FIVE MONTHS

Dear Mr. B

This month I proclaimed to be the most fun so far along this journey! Your personality continues to shine more and more each day. You are a chatter box of babble and high pitched screams! The funniest thing you do is shake your hips back and forth... it kind of looks like you are itchy your booty! We call it your wiggle wiggle and you do it during diaper changes, any time you are naked, in the bath, or when you get excited! 

You not only experienced going on an air plane this month but we also took you out of the country! Your passport picture is adorable but it will not look like you in a month let alone 5 years from now. You rocked traveling and might be the best travel buddy ever! You slept 90% of our three flights there and back. You didn't cry or scream, which the people around us were happy about. You seemed to have fun in Mexico. You weren't so sure about the pool at first but once we found the warmer pool you loved it! You were confused about the sand and much to my surprise did not try to eat it! Because you were so good, we will be traveling again in June to NY. Let's repeat how great you were... okay Mr. B?

You have no desire to roll or crawl but would love to walk if you could figure out the balance. You did roll from belly to back once. You were on the floor next to daddy and he was doing push ups. I think he inspired you to use your muscles to roll! Keep up the good work little dude! My favorite part this month was hearing your giggles and laugh at the silly things we do. I realize just how dumb funny we look and it cracks you up! 

We are so proud to be your parents! 
Love, MAMA and DADA

** yes, I am a month behind... we've been busy!

Dedication

At Cornwall, we dedicate children, believing they are gifts from God. This follows Jesus’ example displayed in Mark 10:14 & 16: “’Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.’ And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.” We dedicate and do not baptize children, believing baptism follows a person accepting Christ as Lord and Savior; our hope and prayer is that your child will someday make that decision when he or she is able.

This is also a parent dedication. We believe that God’s desired role for parents is a challenging one, requiring trust and dependence on Him to fulfill it. Deuteronomy 6:4-6 describes this role in this way: “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

For your viewing pleasure:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GikdMFEk6FE

until next time...

Mama Fears

When we got pregnant, my biggest fear was miscarriage. Well, Mr. B is here and that did not happen. We then had our last ultrasound at 35 weeks and BOOM our little peanut was diagnosed with hydronephrosis. But we weren't looking at his organs... we were just suppose to be looking at how big he was. God had bigger plans for this 35 week ultra sound. He wanted to let us know that little man needed to be watched. B's first ultra sound at a few weeks old showed us that it wasn't just one kidney it was both! Ugh, it makes your heart sink. I never thought  our baby would have any problems. I thought once he was born we would go home and live happily ever after. I tried to let it go and not worry too much. His Dr. kept saying that most kids heal themselves within the first year. I tried to keep repeating that in my head. We went in to see if his kidney's were re fluxing. I prayed and prayed and prayed. If they were, it would mean antibiotics until 1 year old. His little immune system wouldn't be able to fight things off the antibiotics would. I imagined his second year of life as having cold after cold. I thought about how antibiotics affect the color of your teeth. (Yes, I am so picky about teeth! I would love him no matter what color his teeth though) He had an awful test performed and in true Mr. B fashion he didn't bat an eye at the catheter. NEGATIVE! No re flux! At his 4 month appointment, I begrudgingly reminded his Dr. that we needed to do a follow up ultrasound. I didn't want to have it done in fear of what we would find. I told myself not to worry it would be gone. This is just routine and we have to make sure it is gone. Well, good news and bad news. The right side has healed. The left side is improved. BUT... why is there always a "but"? His Dr. said that the radiologist thinks that his ureters are enlarged in the recent ultrasound. They were normal before but not now and his Dr. doesn't understand why that would be if he isn't re fluxing. This scares the begeebeeze out of me. A doctor doesn't understand how that could be? Did someone read the images wrong? Brayden's Dr. has been in contact with Children's Hospital throughout this entire ride. After his ultrasound on Monday, Dr. Ban called and said that Children's would like us to come down there. So, here I wait all week for Children's to call. I am still waiting for my phone to ring so we can make our appointment and head to Seattle. I am nervous but hopeful. These doctors are the best and they will know what to look for. I keep praying that Mr. B will outgrow it by his first bday. I also know this is one of the MANY fears I will have as this little man grows up. Being a mom can be stressful, but extremely rewarding! I wouldn't have it any other way! 

until next time...

four months

Dear Mr. B, 

You are now FOUR months old! You had a "wellness" check yesterday. It included some shots but you rocked them! You cry (no tears) scream for all of 15 seconds and then you are done. You did shoot the nurse a scowl afterward. You are in the 75% for height and weight and 70% for head. You weighed in at 16lb 14oz and 25 3/4 inches. Which means, six month clothes for you. You are a big boy "with good muscle tone" according to Dr. Ban. I told him you worked out and he laughed.

You would love to sit up on your own if you could figure out that balance thing. You've held your head up for as long as I can remember (less than a month old?) You enjoy standing but that is nothing new! You've liked that since the day you were born! You are getting very good at inching on your back. I have found you smashed into your bumper at the top of your crib lots of times. No, contrary to what you all might think I did not put him there when I placed him down for bed! The problem I have with this... you are rubbing your hair off on your bumper now! Please Mr. B keep it on your head! When I check the monitor to see what you are up to at night, often I find you arched to the left with your head crammed upward. You have now started doing this pose in your swing too. It must be comfy?

 I found you an old school walker and you have figured out how to fling yourself backward. However, you are stuck in reverse and haven't found drive yet. You also enjoy blowing spit bubbles. I mean REALLY enjoy drooling tons of spit bubbles! People keep asking if you are teething but I check every night. There are no teeth coming in just lots of drool! You try to eat anything you can find. Usually it is monster, buster, or monkey. You can get quite aggressive and shake your head fast while chewing their faces off! You have a full body wiggle down when we change your diaper. Sometimes, you even try to frustrate help us and lift your butt up in a bridge.

You attempted to bridge in your plastic bathtub...no good. You got in trouble and now we use the foam cushion in the real tub. You love it! Your feet slam down in the water and splash us good. Without fail, you try to shoot your daddy with friendly fire, pee. I think it is funny!

Thank you for all the smiles and laughs. We look forward to what each day will bring!

Love, Mama and Dada