My little family has grown since I last posted. I thought I was busy with just having ONE child. I was WRONG! Two little boys is a blast but very busy. Especially these ages, 1yr and 3 yrs! My life is full. Full of laughs, smiles, frustrations, parenting, loving, listening, praising, reprimanding, and learning. These little dudes teach me so much about life, themselves, and who I am! They teach me how to deal with my emotions as much as I'm trying to teach them about theirs! It's a full life and I wouldn't change it!
Family...how do you define family?? I've come to realize my definition of family is far different from some of those that are in our family. My family vs. married into family is completely different too and I never thought that would be the case. Family to me is a group of individuals who support each other and are responsible for each other weather blood related or married in. And maybe I was naive to think that everyone gets along but in a family you forgive. You always forgive. These people are your family and they would do anything to support, praise, and make you better than who are ever thought you could be. They are honest and raw and you can always know they are saying things out of love and not hate. They would never purposefully hurt you or not accept you for who you are. THEY WOULD NEVER PURPOSEFULLY HURT YOU OR NOT ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE.... this is sadly not the case in our family right now. When you think about your future life and marrying someone you never think their family won't like you. You never think years later after marring the person they won't like you. You never think family could rip you to the core and say hatred about you. You never think family could be so nasty. You never think family could hate you for simply who you are. You never think family could stir the pot and cause unrelenting drama related to who you are as an individual. I never thought I would want to vanish from certain family. I grew up around family. Value family. Love and cherish my extended family. It is awesome and amazing to know we are all there lifting up each other. We ALWAYS have each others back even if there is someone having a tiff with someone else. We always know it is going to be just fine.... we LOVE immensely in my family. I can't help but smile with all my teeth showing when I think about my family. Marrying into a family.... I thought this would be awesome! I thought it would be like adding even more to my extended family. We'd be even stronger and closer and love even bigger. Instead I inherited a brother and sister in law who failed to get to know me because they judged me. Say I'm negative and materialistic and don't respect my husband. One of the most unjust and cruel things you could ever say to a wife who tries her hardest to show her husband unconditional love. How dare you! How dare you assume my husband isn't happy because our marriage is not like yours. How dare you assume my husband is miserable because you assume I don't LET (this is a partnership neither my husband or myself LET one another do anything. we don't own each other and therefore we do not LET one another do anything. We compromise and communicate and do whatever we darn well please. There is no LETTING) my husband do what he wants. Assume my husband needs to take time to find himself again because I've taken away who he is! Get off your high horse and get to know me better. Stop assuming you know how OUR marriage works and ask questions if you really need insight. Even though, you know it's none of your business. Can't you just be happy for your family? Can't you just get along with your family? Must you always administer drama? Can't you hear your brother when he says he IS happy? Or is it me that is making him say he is happy? He doesn't have his own vocabulary to stand up on his own? Well, get to know your brother too while you're at it! We change and grow and I am freaking proud of my husband for who he is. He has a huge heart. He gives and loves and forgives bigger than most I know. He's compassionate and sensitive. He's a people pleaser and wants everyone around him happy but that doesn't mean you can pry on him! It doesn't mean you can try to bully him! It doesn't mean you can put him in the middle like this! JUST BE HAPPY FOR HIM! I've never in my wildest dreams thought I wouldn't want parts of my family to be my family. You're suppose to forgive family no matter what... but how many times do you have to do that. What if they don't want to forgive and want to just straight up no like you. They can't even be adult enough to be nice to your face because that's being fake and they can't be fake. What grade are we in? What day and age are we in? What kind of person are you?!? I hurt and I'm raw and I never thought I would want family to disappear so bad in my life. I never thought someone could hate me the way some family does. It's a deep pain that I've never felt or wanted so bad to go away. I wouldn't belittle, judge, or demean someone that isn't family let alone family the way you both have. True colors are shown and I don't really believe I've got any forgiving left... but I hope I'm wrong!
until next time...
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