Mama Fears

When we got pregnant, my biggest fear was miscarriage. Well, Mr. B is here and that did not happen. We then had our last ultrasound at 35 weeks and BOOM our little peanut was diagnosed with hydronephrosis. But we weren't looking at his organs... we were just suppose to be looking at how big he was. God had bigger plans for this 35 week ultra sound. He wanted to let us know that little man needed to be watched. B's first ultra sound at a few weeks old showed us that it wasn't just one kidney it was both! Ugh, it makes your heart sink. I never thought  our baby would have any problems. I thought once he was born we would go home and live happily ever after. I tried to let it go and not worry too much. His Dr. kept saying that most kids heal themselves within the first year. I tried to keep repeating that in my head. We went in to see if his kidney's were re fluxing. I prayed and prayed and prayed. If they were, it would mean antibiotics until 1 year old. His little immune system wouldn't be able to fight things off the antibiotics would. I imagined his second year of life as having cold after cold. I thought about how antibiotics affect the color of your teeth. (Yes, I am so picky about teeth! I would love him no matter what color his teeth though) He had an awful test performed and in true Mr. B fashion he didn't bat an eye at the catheter. NEGATIVE! No re flux! At his 4 month appointment, I begrudgingly reminded his Dr. that we needed to do a follow up ultrasound. I didn't want to have it done in fear of what we would find. I told myself not to worry it would be gone. This is just routine and we have to make sure it is gone. Well, good news and bad news. The right side has healed. The left side is improved. BUT... why is there always a "but"? His Dr. said that the radiologist thinks that his ureters are enlarged in the recent ultrasound. They were normal before but not now and his Dr. doesn't understand why that would be if he isn't re fluxing. This scares the begeebeeze out of me. A doctor doesn't understand how that could be? Did someone read the images wrong? Brayden's Dr. has been in contact with Children's Hospital throughout this entire ride. After his ultrasound on Monday, Dr. Ban called and said that Children's would like us to come down there. So, here I wait all week for Children's to call. I am still waiting for my phone to ring so we can make our appointment and head to Seattle. I am nervous but hopeful. These doctors are the best and they will know what to look for. I keep praying that Mr. B will outgrow it by his first bday. I also know this is one of the MANY fears I will have as this little man grows up. Being a mom can be stressful, but extremely rewarding! I wouldn't have it any other way! 

until next time...