Digging deep

Once you have a child, the concept of family takes on a new meaning. B turns four months today and I have already learned so much about my new priorities. Those around me have exposed what kind of family member I want to emulate. I realize too late now the one time memories and moments we've missed out on because we had...other things to do, we have plans with other friends, we had to do something that day (no we could have done it another time), etc. Now that I have a baby, I realize these moments and memories are only made once. He is only a baby once and before we know it he will be a big independent man. My brother and sister in law have molded a new outlook for me. They don't know the impact and influence they've had. I appreciate their efforts and enormous amount of love they have for us. The only time they hesitate to make it to an event is to figure out how to make it work! They live very full lives and don't miss out. I realize my little man is going to recognize that. He is going to see that his Aunt and Uncle are always there and love deeply. No more excuses because it is time to make memories!

Thank you to our family and friends who have made an effort to genuinely be in Mr. B's life. To make it known to him, who they are. To travel without excuses and see him face to face! I apologize to those who we have not stepped up to and promise to do better.

until next time...

Someone Special

I have a favorite client at the salon. Her name is Dorothy Anderson and she is such an amazing woman! She is NINETY ONE YEARS OLD! Yes, you read that correctly. She still drives, she walks her neighborhood loop, she goes to yoga, she walks up the stairs to the salon, she recently was asked by UW to give a speech, she loves her family, she is a bridge fanatic, and she has touched me deeply. 

This spunky and sassy woman came into my life four years ago. She sat down in my chair grabbed her hair and said, "Can you help this?!?!" She instantly made me smile and laugh but she was serious! She referred to her old stylist as a natzi that "made me have this haircut and it makes me look like a horse!" Our friendship began that day, and it has flourished since. She comes in every other week to get a clean up and haircut. She is always dressed pristinely including accessories! She has stories attached to each piece of jewelry and every article of clothing. 

Last year, she turned 90! She threw herself this lavish party at her Condo complex. Yes, she still lives at her condo with no assistance! I was so honored to be invited. Ironically, she has family in Wenatchee that Nic knew! Her featured drink at the party was the "Dorotini." The woman loves a martini a day! I am not sure I would every make this drink again but I had to try one. One part Gin, one part Vodka, splash of lemon and lime.... blakkkk! I was thrilled to meet the family members she had talked so much about. I felt like I knew them all inside and out but had never met them. Each and every one of them was exactly how she illustrated them to be. Her favorite nephew, the bratty nieces, the adorable brother Corky, the evil sister in law, and so on but each one of them has deep love for her. 

When you meet Dorothy, you instantly fall in love with her. When I got pregnant she called Brayden "our" baby. "How's our baby?" she would ask. Every time she left the salon she said, "Now you behave!" When I left for maternity leave the girls fought over who would do her hair! She is that much fun! She is like family to me and I checked in to see when Dorothy had been in last. The computer said November and that isn't too out of the ordinary. I knew she was going to Arizona for Thanksgiving and she leaves for a cruise or Hawaii for four weeks during the holiday's. She hates to be home for the holidays' and doesn't mind being alone in  warm tropical places. She makes new friends on the cruises and plays bridge daily. I noticed she didn't have an appointment made in January and figured she was just waiting to find out when I was coming back in. When she hadn't called to make an appointment I knew something wasn't quite right. I worry about her all the time. She doesn't miss appointments because she turns into a Yeti... or so she says.

 I emailed her a few weeks ago to touch base and she told me she had gotten the "big "c" word." She hasn't told me what kind of cancer and said it is just life. I called her this morning to check in. She said, "but I don't have a hair appointment"... she is very mentally with it! I told her I was just calling to say hi and see if she would like me to come to her home to trim her hair. She said no thanks and that she wasn't doing well. I tried to tell her that I missed her and she must not have heard me and said, "Okay bye bye." She hung up and tears welled up in my eyes. My fear is that I won't see her again. I just want her to meet Mr. B, our baby! She comes to the dental office I work at as well. I called the dental office today and was informed she has an appointment next Thursday. She confirmed the appointment and I will go crash it next week! I hope she remembers it and is well enough to go in because I really want to see her. 

I just needed to get this all out in writing because I was having a rough moment. Getting old stinks!

**Update: She sent an email today that said "Hello- no visitors for a while." That was the entire email. I guess I won't be crashing her appointment and will wait it out. :(

until next time...

Three months

Dear Mr. B-

You turned 3 months on January 15, 2013! The first thing your grandpa said to me was, "In 9 months it will be our birthday!" I told him to slow down! These past three months have just flown by! Your personality came out so much more this month. You stay awake longer during the day now and shine only bright smiles upon us. You do a little smug look on your face and shimmy your shoulders while sticking out your chest. I call it your tough dude pose because that is what you are. You even give a little sinister laugh with it. Pretty cute it if you ask me! 

You think t.v. is great but only when football is on. You are all boy that is for sure! On Christmas Eve, we left you in your carseat to sleep. Mommy made the mistake once of taking you out to put you in your crib for the night... it didn't end with you sleeping. Therefore, you stayed in your carseat on Christmas Eve. For Christmas, you decided to give mommy and daddy the gift of sleep. You slept all night in that carseat from 10 PM - 6:30 AM. The only reason you were up at 6:30 was because mommy HAD to nurse or she was going to explode!

You had no problems traveling all over Washington and love the car. On New Years, you fell asleep in your swing at 9 PM. We joked that you made it to midnight on the east coast! Your official bedtime is 7 PM and you let us know! You love to chew and suck on your hands. You still hide your thumb and make do with eating your whole hand. Pacifiers are not your thing and you cannot figure out how to suck on one. This makes taking it away really easy! Not sure how we will take away your hands though....hmmm. You babble and have all sorts of high pitched noises. You are really funny when you are super interested in something and start talking in whisper voice. Thanks for making us giggle with you! 

Bath time has gotten even more exciting since we took the sling out! You now sit in the plastic tub and splash a ton more! But please can't you stop growing so fast! You sleep in your crib almost all the time. You have your days when the swing is just better then that darn crib! You barely fuss going down.. what a big boy! You are happiest in the morning and are all smiles when you greet me. I just love it!

Thank you for only crying when you are tired and hungry. You are a pretty easy kid and very laid back. You like to see the world and always face outward. 

We love you Brayden Cooper very very much!

XOXO- Mama and Dada

TWO MONTHS

Dear Mr. B,

You turned TWO months old on December 15th. You have grown so much this past month. Just look at those cheeks! You had your first Thanksgiving this past month. I am not sure you were put down at all that day because you were being loved on! Unfortunately, at 5 weeks old your snoring became too much for your mama to handle. Yup, you were kicked out of our bedroom and placed in your crib! You weren't quite sure of this vast amount of space so we rolled up blankets  on both sides of you to make you feel secure. I am sure this is a no no but it worked. You also sleep with blankets. What can I say, we are rule breakers around here! 

Your favorite thing is still the bath. You kick your feet and chat it up. You are very talkative these days. You hung out with Nana and Grandpa while Mom and Dad went to a work party. Before bed, you had a 7 oz bottle. Therefore, your other love is FOOD! You smile all day long at mom and dad and focus on our faces so much more! 

You despise bedtime. Period. Most night you won't go down until 10 or 10:30 but we are working on our routine. You only wake up once at night and tend to go 6 hour stretches. Once I realized turning the lights on at night was a bad move, you decided to stop staying up after your 2:30 AM nursing. Thank goodness! You still do not want anything to do with tummy time. We continue to work on that 5 min at a time too! 

You had your two month check up with Dr. Ban. You are 13 lb 6 oz and 24 inches long! Please stop growing so fast! You also had your first round of shots. You did AMAZING! You cried for 30 seconds and didn't shed one tear. You weren't even fussy the days following. What a big boy!

You are just the cutest little man I know. We are so filled with joy to have you in our lives. The lack of sleep and stressful moments are nothing compared to those smiles and cuddles. Thank you for being so happy and loving us as much as we adore and love you!

Lots of love, Your Mama and Dada

~~~ One Month Old ~~~

                                                Baby B

I know you are a baby but you aren't so tiny anymore! You're eviction notice was a month ago...hard to believe. Our hearts couldn't be more full of love for you... even if some nights you are nocturnal and want to party. You were born 8lbs 8 oz and within your first week you were back to birth weight. Then the next week you gained 11 oz weighing in at 9 lb 3 oz! Now, you are close if not at 10 lbs! Which means, you are in 0-3 month clothes now. Your NB sleepers are too short in the arms and legs. You didn't have much growing room since you were born 21 inches long. I call you Bubba, munchie cause you are my munchkin, buddy, B, and Brayden Cooper (I kinda sing it like a song you like it). Your eyes are blue for now... Mama doesn't think they will stay blue. You have dark brown curly hair and an awful whirl cowlick in your front hairline. That is going to be a fun one for mama to cut! 

Your favorite activity by far is bath time! You go limp with a look of extasy on your face. Speaking of your face, you have so many expressions. My favorites are before and after you go poo. From red faced grunting to pursed lips and eyebrows raised in satisfaction. Your coo's make daddy and I laugh and smile. We could eat you up! You really like loud music. You like to go on car rides and more recently enjoy hanging out in the moby. You konk out in the stroller when we go for walks. You make it clear when you are hungry and I can never get ready for you fast enough. Once you've started nursing, you make some funny noises and your legs move like crazy! You really like your food! You have even proved yourself talented enough to take a bottle! Although, not so talented enough to figure out a pacifier... please take one soon because the screaming drives me bonkers! I do think you will be a thumb sucker. You suck on your hands all the time and one day you will find that thumb!

You do not like being ignored or left alone for one second. You tolerate tummy time for 5 min. You scream and fight your sleep...silly boy. But we love you just the same! 


You are changing so rapidly. It makes me excited to see what you will do next but sad that these precious newborn moments are flying by too quickly. We cherish every snuggle time we can get from you. And you like to snuggle lots! Mama does not want to go back to work in Janurary but is thankful it will only be 2 days a week! It is so much fun being home with you... even when you throw your fits!

HAPPY FIRST MONTH MR. B. COOPER!- XOXO MAMA AND DADA

39 weeks and 4 days...

AND LABOR BEGAN....

Sunday, October 14, 2012, I woke up at 6:30 AM. This had become my normal routine. As I went to the bathroom, I realized there was some bloody show. I went back into the bedroom and told Nic FYI he will be coming soon. I didn't realize labor was about to start. I went back to the bathroom because something didn't feel right. A clot the size of my fist came out and I freaked. I yelled for Nic and he handed me his phone that was already calling the hospital. They told us to come in and we did so. I was hooked up to the stress test and asked not to move. That is when contractions started. My contractions were 3-5 min apart the entire labor! After an hour and a half, my Dr. got there and he, Dr. Mora, was not concerned. He said I was in pre labor. Oh, did I mention I had contractions and was told not to move! I was a finger tip dilated and 90% effaced. He told me to go home rest up and come back later when contractions were stronger. My dad jumped in his car and my mom called in a sub since she was at work. Once home, my dad asked about every 30 min. if we could go back. He said, "Stef don't you feel like it's time? Can't we go back?" He was a little excited and had no idea the long labor we were in for! My wonderful husband gave him a beer and they watched football! Yes, the beer was consumed after 12:00 PM. At 3:30 PM, after hours in the tub and rocking on my ball, I decided it was time to go back in. They checked me and hooked me up to the stress machine (I despise these round monitors that are not so gently shoved into your tummy) and declared I hadn't changed. I remember thinking, "But how could this be? I sure feel like something has changed with all these contractions!" My Dr. said I could go home or walk around for an hour and hope my dilation changed. I quickly realized just how small the labor and delivery floor of the hospital was! After an hour, they checked me again. I was a 1 almost a 2. My Dr. told me I could go home and come back or I could be admitted. Wahoo you just said I could be admitted!?! I would have crawled in a hole if I had to tell my dad we were going back home! I didn't wait for them to "admit" me before heading straight for the tub. I think I was a fish in my past life! The nurse came in after about 40 min and told me I had to get out of my happy  place (the tub) and into the bed to get admitted.... humph fine! "No, no one told me I had to have these darn monitors back on! For how long?" And here came the second worst news of my labor.... I had to wear the monitor for the rest of labor!!! I wanted to rip those things off me! "Wait, Can I go back in the tub with these things or will I get electrocuted?" Thank goodness it was safe for the tub! After one nurse blew two veins in my left hand, the other nurse safely placed the IV in my right hand! Here's to awful black and blue and pain from blown veins...cheers! After 16 hrs of 3-5 min. contractions even my happy place was not fun anymore. 2:30 AM I asked for the epidural. I really wanted to get to 4 cm before having it but that was not happening fast enough. Why, oh why, was I ever afraid of the epidural process? I felt nothing and the anesthesiologist said I had a skinny back! Ahhhhh, the pain was gone from my lower back and belly... isn't this great guys? Well, I may have gone into chatty mode at 3 AM and neither Nic nor my parents were into it. In a nice way, the told me to shut up and get some rest! And so I did. 5 AM Dr. Mora came back to check me. SPLASH GUSH FLOOD... yup there goes my water all over Dr. Mora aaand I was now at a 4! It was that easy, go to sleep and you progress! Dr. Mora was off to meetings and Dr. Dowling was taking over. He started me on pitocin to get things moving along a little faster. The pitocin can go to 20 and at around a 6 I started to feel back pain. I told the nurse and she said hit the button for more medication. Well after hitting the button 5 times, and the pain getting worse, something was not right. She rolled me over to find that my epidural had come out just enough to stop working! Full on contractions with pitocin are nasty! I tried to breathe through them but half the time tears were rolling down my face. An emergency c section had just gone in, and the anesthesiologist would be 45 min before he could get to me! Once my second epidural was in, life was grand! My epidurals were the best. Everything was numb and I could still move my legs somehow! When Dr. Dowling came in at noon to check me, I had not made any progress. She squarely looked me in the eyes and said it was time to talk reality. She said I would most likely end up a C- section but she would still give me 2 and a half hours to see if any progress could be made. I was not giving up without a fight. I opted for increasing my pitocin and getting contractions a min. apart in hopes to fully dilate. My pitocin was slowly uped to 18 and Brayden was monitored closely. He did great! My time was ticking and with 30 min left Tami called in help for me! Doula Carolyn to the rescue! Dr. Dowling didn't come back until 5 PM instead of 2:30 PM which was a blessing. Carolyn had me in all sorts of funny positions. Upside down, all fours, on my knees, "sifting" me with a scarf and the nurse may have thought we were crazy but was rooting for me! 5 PM the moment of truth.... NO CHANGE! And with that Brayden was handed his eviction notice. Dr. Dowling told me not to be upset and that I had literally done everything I possibly could have. That having this C-section was not me giving up but that he was too big to come out. It was not what I wanted to hear. She explained what was about to happen and I half listened trying to fight back tears of defeat and fright. Carolyn prayed over me and as they wheeled me away I burst into tears. The nurse invited my mom in (which she okay-ed with me after inviting her in hahaha I didn't mind and wanted her there. Oh, my mom is an RN works with premie babies at Swedish.. this is her gig) She and Nic were suited up and came in once I had been prepped. My arms were tied down, the curtain was up, and I was full on shaking freezing. Some nice person decided to grab a bag of antibiotics out of the fridge and put it in my IV!!!! The anesthesiologist tried to help me get warm but not much you can do when it is running through your body already. At 5:55 PM, Brayden Cooper Truscott was born 8 lbs 8 oz 21 inches long. There was lots of shoving and pushing going on after he came out. I kept asking the anesthesiologist what are they doing?!?! He was great and kept me updated the entire time. It seemed like forever while they put me back together. I was wheeled to recovery and finally able to hold my beautiful baby. I have so much more to say about his birth but this novel is long enough! After 33 hours of labor, Brayden Cooper Truscott was born on October 15, 2012 and shares his birthday with my dad! He is a proud grandpa to share his day!

until next time...

heartbroken mama

Yes, our little guy is here but that is for another post. 

Let's back up to 34 weeks pregnant...

...We went in for a routine check up with a Dr. we had yet to meet. The clinic we go to has five doctors and two are male. Dr. Mora and Dr. Mallory are the two male doctors. I enjoyed Dr. Mora and now it was time to meet Dr. Mallory. I was less than impressed with him. He talked really fast and likes statistics. I found him rather random and wasn't quite sure what to take from the appointment. He basically was telling me that there was no way I would deliver this baby naturally. He mentioned c-section and that was it for me. This man was not high on my favorites list. He wanted to "start collecting a data set" to see how big our baby boy was. He asked us if we wanted to have an ultrasound at our 35 week appointment. Sure, why not. It would be another chance we get to see our little guy before he is born. We arrived at our appointment a week later eager to see our little guy! The ultrasound was first and then we met with Dr. Dowling. We really like her (she ended up delivering us). She is patient and listens to your wants. It was towards the end of our appointment when she said so they talked to you about the hydronephrosis. Nic and I stared at her blankly... the huh what? She back pedaled and said oh sorry I thought they had told you. His left kidney was slightly dilated meaning there was a blockage somewhere. She said it was common in boys and would probably go away once he was born. She didn't make it sound like it was something to worry about so I tried to let it go. It wasn't until after he was born and we were heading to our first pediatrician appointment that my dad reminded me to ask about it. His Dr, Dr. Ban, didn't see any records of my 35 week ultrasound. I asked Bellingham OBGYN to send my records over. Dr. Ban reviewed them and wanted to have an ultrasound done on B to see how his kidneys were. On Tuesday, B had his ultrasound and of course the tech is not allowed to tell us anything. I anxiously awaited Dr. Ban's call the next day to hear the results. I was certain all would be fine and it was cleared up. No, the opposite. The left was now at a moderate dilation and the right was at a slight. My heart sank. What does this mean? Will he need surgery? What is causing this problem? He can super soak a diaper so how can he have kidney problems? Dr. Ban said we needed to go in for a VCUG test. They put a catheter in and fill his bladder with a liquid dye and take x-rays to see if there is reflux of urine back into the kidneys. If that was the case, there would be high chances of kidney infections. The test would also tell us if there was an extra valve on the back of his urethra causing the blockage. God was watching out for us and our friend Kayla is the Radiologist at the hospital who does this test. We were scheduled for the VCUG on Thursday when guess who came down with a cold on Wednesday night. There is nothing more heartbreaking than watching your two week old try and breathe with a stuffed up nose! I felt so helpless for him. We went to Dr. Ban Thursday morning to confirm it was just a cold. They performed the most brutal tests to make sure he didn't have rsv. He screamed and cried. My baby doesn't produce tears but he did that morning! Then in the afternoon we went in for the VCUG. Poor thing two awful tests in one day. He did amazing! Kayla performed the test twice to 100% make sure that we were in the clear. There was no refulx and no extra valve. What does that mean? We will go back for another ultrasound in 3 months to make sure the kidney's haven't gotten worse and in 90% of these cases it just goes away by 18 months. This was our best case scenario. I will try to forget about it until 3 months from now. My best friend said it best... it is just a little piece of what gives him character! I am glad there is no reflux or valve. I was so sad with tears streaming down my face that my little boy was going to need so much more. When in reality, all we need is a little bit of time. I know this is not my last hard day as a mama but it was a hard first go around! 

until next time...