Realization

Do you ever have those "ah-ha" moments? When you realize, wow I cannot believe it took me that long to figure this out! I had one of those today. I was driving down the hill heading in to work and was thinking about life. I know, I know I should pay attention to driving but I was preoccupied by my thoughts. It was a grey day without rain. The perfect fall day...crisp, light wind, reds, yellows, and oranges. I thought "I am so ecstatic with everything in my life right now!" Then it occurred to me that I should figure out why I was so happy with the way things are. I was not so happy a couple months ago... so why now? I have always said that I like to be on the go. I like to be busy and doing something. And then today, AH HA! It has nothing to do with being busy and on the go. It has to do with the fact that I like to feel that I have been productive all day! Most of my life, and my friends will attest to this, I have worked two jobs. It was never about how much money I could make. That never crossed my mind and I always thought it was because I liked to be busy busy busy. I figured out today that I have been wrong for so many years. I mulled over the past two weeks and grasped how productive I have been. I go to school from 9-1 and work the other half, I make dinners 7 nights a week, I wash and put away laundry, I clean like a mad woman, buy the groceries...and on and on. Two months ago, that was not the case. I even had really slow days at the salon where I didn't have a single client! It made me somber to know I would be at home for the day. So, I would make plans with friends to meet up. But that was never enough, I couldn't just hang out with a friend. After hanging out, I had to do grocery shopping or make the dinners for the week or do all the laundry. I had to make sure it was a productive day! I sit here thinking wow how did I miss that one all these years! I am not completely satisfied with my productivity unless it has served someone else. Going on a walk with a friend gives me exercise, but buying that friend a coffee and then going on the walk makes me a happier person. Doing the laundry is grand, but knowing it helped my husband get his work done makes me a happier person. I like to serve others and that's what makes me feel productive! What makes you feel productive? Can you sit and do nothing for a day?


On another note....

I recognized today another thing that makes me smile big. I had forgotten about this small detail of fall. I like to drive..period. But, I love to drive during the fall! I like going under trees that are slowly losing their leaves. As they saunter back and forth floating through the air, I am mesmerized. My favorite part is when the finally make contact with my windshield and WOOSH fly back into the air or over the top of my car! I don't know why that makes me smile so big but I'm glad I still enjoy small little things like that.

until next time...